Love on the Rocks

It was that kind of day, the kind where we sat in unbounded silences, our eyes flicking around the room, studying the chips in the pale blue paint that covered the walls, eyeing and memorising where every single indentation on the floorboards lay. It was that kind of day where not a word was uttered until one of us had had enough of the awkwardness said a blunt goodbye while standing up and made a quick exit. We were the kind of people who fell in lust at first sight, it went well for the first three months or so, everything seemed perfect but then the relationship lost its spark. We were the kind of people that had the raw emotions that no one else harboured, the kind of clashing feelings that rocked the boat. Then crashed it on the rocks, And that was where we were now. The rocks. Our vessel collapsed, nothing more than a pile of timber planks smashed to smithereens on the jagged cliff face.

He shifted. My eyes flicked up from peeling the varnish from my bitten nails. He looked up at me quickly, then glanced down again. My stomach churned, it was that kind of moment. I opened my mouth to speak but all I could say was nothing. Nothing new.

The minutes ticked by like hours. He’d got home from his night out with his mates, he’d taken one step into the flat and he’d thought of turning back, not coming home again. Everytime he escaped the thought crossed his mind. My guess was it was around four thirty in the morning. We were up incredibly early, but perhaps it was because we hadn’t been to sleep yet. When I heard his key in the lock I’d had a full coat of nail varnish, now, a couple of hours later I’d peeled off all but a few chips of black paint. I missed the nights when neither of us wanted to go out, we both desired to sit in all evening, watch a trashy film, then stay up all evening talking. In the morning we’d go to bed, make love, then sleep in until the afternoon. All we’d progressed to now was praying for a chance to get out of the house so we didn’t have to endure this all the time.
“This is pathetic,” he said.
“I know,” I replied. The silence had shattered at last.
“We don’t need this, we’re adults. This is stupid, it’s childish.’
Yes, yes, I thought as he went on. Finally, we’re repairing what we lost.
“We don’t have to deal with this anymore. We’re mature enough to move on from all of this.’

Move on? That’s not what you’re supposed to say. You’re supposed to say ‘let’s start fresh,’ and kiss me.

“The past three months have been fun but this is getting out of hand.”

Fun? FUN? That’s all I was? Just your bit on the side, something to keep you occupied while you found a real lover?

“We should put an end to all this bullshit right now, hun. For both our sakes. I don’t know what went wrong, it was great while it lasted.’

Tears swelled in my eyes. Anger and sadness surged through every part of me, racing with each other to get to my head first. The sadness won. Tears gushed from my eyes and flooded down my cheeks, onto my lips. My best friend always said the taste of the salt made you feel better. And it did.

“Don’t cry. Please, don’t make this any harder than it is…’

If I told you this was killing me, would you stop?